We All Just Want To Be Heard

When I was a pre-teen, I always loved listening to the AM skips late-nights. I was romanced by the idea of being on the air as a radio DJ. So when I did, for a brief time, become an AM radio DJ as a high school student, I thought I was sending myself down a career path of being the guy whose voice and taste could impact anyone with a radio, ears and a penchant for the genre I might happen to be playing.

When I went to college, I went to the intro class to become a DJ at WEGL, the radio voice of Auburn. Having already been licensed as a radio DJ by the FCC, I figured I could slide into a late-night slot once a week and be on my way. But when I found out I had to spend an entire quarter - with no credit - taking a class before I could be on the radio, I walked out. There was some other kid who had been on the radio in Florida who did the same.

In the 15 years since I hadn't thought about that decision more than a half-dozen times. Funny, now it's one of those things I regret. How it might have changed my life - friends in the music scene (even one as lacking as Auburn) would have most certainly changed me for better or worse.

Fast forward to 2001 when I was just getting my feet wet in the Atlanta scene after living here for a couple of years. I didn't know East Atlanta from a hole in the ground, but after slowly building up my resolve I was at a point where going to shows solo by '03 was no big deal. I slowly met people, developed some friendships, and saw a number of fantastic shows.

By the time 2006 rolled a round, I had been DJing for a while at one of the best scene nights in Atlanta and had decided to start DeadJournalist.com as a way to keep my feet wet in writing and music. Besides being a DJ, I always wanted to write (actually start) a music magazine. After moving here as a magazine editor (because that's what engineers do, right?) I'd been freelancing for music magazines and figured if I wasn't going to get paid to write for them, I might as well not get paid to write for myself. I wrote because I like the trade. I wrote because I loved the by-line.

So I began, in earnest, putting time and effort into DeadJournalist in hopes of being a Web site that mattered. The little engine that could. The little site with a national reach. I hobby by which I could be defined outside of my actual money-earning career.

Three years later, under the weight of the stress at work and nearing my mid-30's, I decided to put DeadJournalist on hiatus on March 5. I hadn't been to a show in a couple of years - and frankly, I didn't see myself going to one in the near future. Why go on?

For the last 20 year (EEK! TWENTY?!?!) I've just wanted my voice to be heard; my words to be read. I've wanted to attention, sure, but I've wanted the responsibility of being a voice - my voice.

It's frustrating. A total catch-22. Invest time and effort into this non-revenue generating hobby just to have an avenue to be heard ... even if no one is listening but me.